Hmm, I wonder… are you thinking my title feels backwards in the world of parenting? Maybe you’re thinking that parents aren’t supposed to obey their children—only the other way around! If so, I want to invite you on a little journey of discovery with me.
Let’s take a moment to explore the word obedience. (This part is for all you nerdy, word-loving parents… or anyone curious!) In the Hebrew language, the word for obedience or obey quite literally means “to listen.” So, if that helps, feel free to change the title of this post in your mind to: Modeling Listening.
Like many of you, I grew up in a home where obedience was strictly enforced. I still remember the little Sunday School song often sung:
“Never with a sigh, never asking why! I will obey right away…”
I was taught from a young age to never question authority and to follow instructions immediately and silently. If I dared ask a question—beware! A lecture or punishment would likely follow.
But let’s take a step back and ask ourselves:
What skills are we hoping to teach by forcing our kids to obey us without question?
Is silently doing what someone says—without understanding, input, or dialogue—really the pattern we want our kids to carry into adulthood?
If obedience simply means listening, then let’s ask:
How do we truly listen?
This is such a beautiful question—one I encourage you to take to the Holy Spirit. But here’s what I’ve discovered in my own journey:
To listen is not merely to hear words—it’s to connect deeply to the heart behind them. True listening doesn’t mean immediate agreement or action; it means thoughtful consideration and intentional response. This is how I believe God asks us to obey Him—not with fear of punishment, but with an invitation into deeper relationship and revelation of His heart.
And when I experience that kind of love and connection with God?
My heart longs to listen and respond.
In the same way, we as parents have the beautiful gift of modeling this kind of listening to our children. It starts by pausing… to really hear… and to consider what’s going on in their little hearts.
One of my favorite parenting reminders is:
“If we want our kids to listen to us about something, we must first be willing to listen to them about a whole lot of nothing.”
I’ve been blessed with a beautifully strong-willed son. Let me tell you, this little guy has inspired so much growth and transformation in my parenting! I couldn’t get him to quickly or easily obey me—no matter how hard I tried. We would often end in head-to-head battles, locked in a war of wills by the time he was three. If you know, you know!
One day, when he was four, he told me:
“I always keep the rules!”
My first instinct was to laugh, “Oh yeah??” But instead, I paused. And you know what? He was right. He does keep the rules—when he has had the chance to understand them and agree with why they matter. That insight has come with a whole lot of questioning every single one of them!
And honestly, I’m grateful.
His strong will holds a depth of conviction that is not easily swayed. That’s a skill I want to nurture—not crush.
So, dear parents, I want to invite you:
Release the urge to force obedience.
Instead, lean in and listen. Hear what your child is truly saying beneath the behavior. Accept their strong determination as a signal of their need to feel empowered in their choices.
Then model obedience by going first—listening to, thoughtfully considering, and responding to their hearts. You may be amazed by how much more willing they are to listen to you once they feel heard by you.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to my Listening Hearts Parenting Course where we dig deeper into how we can practice this kind of listening in our daily parenting—along with practical tools to help our kids grow in their ability to listen and respond willingly.
Let’s raise children who listen well—because they’ve been listened to well.
